


Double Entendre

by shipskicksandgiggles



Series: tumblr prompts [50]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aromantic Clint Barton, Asexual Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Deaf Clint Barton, F/F, Gen, Humor, Idiots, Implied Clint Barton/Nick Fury, M/M, Misunderstandings, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Secret Relationship, Sleep Deprivation, inspired by a tumblr post, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29847840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipskicksandgiggles/pseuds/shipskicksandgiggles
Summary: Double Entendredef. a word or phrase open to two interpretations, one of which is usually risqué or indecent
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, Nick Fury & Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson & Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson/Nick Fury
Series: tumblr prompts [50]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566982
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	Double Entendre

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wheezing about this idea for 2 days. like two weeks ago I posted about misunderstanding Clint Barton being aro and someone a couple says ago mentioned that s/o, the abbreviation for significant other in the post, also means superior officer, and I had to. I had to

The Tower was reasonably quiet for once in their god forsaken lives. Most of the Avengers were scattered in some way across the common area, finally taking the chance to relax. In fact, the only person not in the room with them was Clint. 

“Hey Bird Brain, what’s going on?” Sam asked when he finally walked in.

“I’m aro,” he answered before making his way into the kitchen, presumably for coffee. 

Tony looked up from his tablet, careful not to disturb Natasha who was using him as a pillow. “Did he just say he was arrow? Isn’t that, like, his entire gimmick?”

“Yeah, I think he did.” Bruce frowned. “Has he gotten hit in the head recently?”

“No, but he might be sleep deprived,” Nat mumbled. “Late night visitor and all. Now shut the fuck up, I want to take a nap.”

“Late night visitor? I didn’t know Clint had a partner,” Steve remarked. “I feel like we should know things like that.”

“Who even is it? I mean, I can’t imagine-” Tony cut himself off as Clint came back in, cup of coffee in hand. “Hey Clint?”

“What’s happenin’ Metal Man?”

“Who’s your partner?”

Clint gave him a weird look. “I mean, I guess it’s Nat? We work together most in the field so she could be considered my partner.”

“No, no, I mean like, who’s your S/O?”

“My S/O? Oh! You mean Fury.”

Bruce choked on the tea he was drinking, and Steve looked like he was trying not to have a stroke. There were tapping sounds coming from Nat’s direction after she gave up on sleep and was now on her phone. She seemed to be the only one unperturbed by this information. 

“Honestly, I thought people knew, but I guess you learn new things every day,” Clint continued. “Is this seat open?”

Bucky moved over to give Clint more space. “I guess you do.”

~~~

**From Natasha: I have fantastic news, but you need to be sitting down before I tell you**

Maria Hill squinted at her phone. With Natasha, fantastic news could very well mean one of the Avengers is dead. 

**From Maria: I’m sitting, what’s up?**

**From Natasha: so you know how Clint always just says he hates people? he came out as aro**

**From Maria: Not shocking, why was I sitting for this?**

**From Natasha: he tried to tell the avengers and now they think he’s dating Fury**

She started laughing so hard she scared her cat. Good thing she had Coulson’s number on speed dial.

**From Maria: I need all the details, stat**

~~~

“Go for Coulson.”

“Agent Hill, how can I-”

“... they what?”

“No, no, I understand.”

“Maria, I resent the implication that I would ever use this information to plot against my coworkers. Have some class.”

“Yes, I know. Don’t forget we’re getting coffee on Wednesday. See you then.”

He hung up the phone, and rested his read in his hands. 

“What was that about? She okay?” 

“Why we had to pseudo-adopt so many idiots is beyond me.”

“Maria and Natasha aren’t idiots,” Fury said automatically. “And the Cap squad is all yours, I do not claim them.”

“Sure you don’t.”

It was difficult to stare down Nick Fury, but it wasn’t impossible. He sighed. “Who did what and what do we have to do to fix it?”

“Clint came out as aromantic and everyone but Natasha completely misinterpreted what he said and now they think you two…”

“...Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Unfortunately I could not be more serious if I tried.”

“How?”

“Apparently he came out and everyone misheard him like a collective game of telephone and asked about his partner.”

Phil was fairly certain Nick was squinting under his eyepatch. “Why would he say me?”

“That’s the thing. He said Natasha. Then someone rephrased it to significant other.”

“He still wouldn’t have said it was me.”

“The abbreviation for significant other is S/O.”

The pieces clicked in Fury’s head. “Clint thought they meant superior officer.”

A hysterical giggle burst out of Phil’s chest completely unprompted before he started full out laughing. “What the hell are you gonna do?”

“What the hell am  _ I _ gonna do?”

“Yes  _ you.  _ I’m not allowed to interfere, but I still want to know how you plan on handling the situation.”

“Okay, fill me in on who knows what.”

~~~

Tony was having a slightly manic day. 

“I still can’t believe we didn’t know! Barton doesn’t have a brain-to-mouth filter and we’ve been a team for how many years? We should have known!”

Bruce tracked his movements as he paced the living room. “It’s not like we know everything about each other. And Fury is one of the most elite spies of the 21st century. Maybe he didn’t want Clint to tell anyone and he actually listened for once.”

He leveled him with a look that could cut glass. “Our Legolas? Not likely.”

“I feel like there’s a more important point you should be concerned about here.”

“Which is?”

“How long have they been together?”

There was a heavy pause. “Son of a  _ bitch.” _

~~~

_ “Barton! My office! Now!” _ Fury’s voice came over the PA, causing everyone in the vicinity to flinch. 

“Ooh, someone’s in  _ trouble.” _ Clint paused. “It’s me. I’m in trouble. I don’t know why I said that.”

_ “NOW BARTON!” _

“Coming sir!”

With every passing phrase, Sam’s eyes got wider and wider, and Nat had to cover her snickers. She finally managed to start breathing again after Clint scuttled out of the room. 

“I can’t believe he calls him sir even though he’s his boyfriend,” Bucky said, not fully paying attention. 

Sam shook his head. “For all we know they could be married. And ‘Sir’ could be one of their kinks.” 

Nat was not able to conceal her peals of laughter when she saw the horrified look on Bucky’s face. 

~~~

Clint was really fucking tired. “Can I ask why everyone is so quiet all of a sudden?”

Steve cleared his throat. “Nothing, Barton. Just-” he seemed to stumble for his words. “Congrats.”

“Oookay? Nothing happened, but thanks I guess.”

“But you and Fury-”

“Oh, we’re fine. He’s not mad at me anymore. Now if you’ll excuse me-” He edged around Steve and walked towards the elevator. A nap sounded about perfect right about now. 

“We did all just witness that, yes?” Tony spoke up once he was out of earshot. “I cannot be imagining this.”

Sam was at a loss. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Fury express affection before? Much less physical affection? What the fuck?”

“I need a cup of coffee,” Nat sighed. 

~~~

Thank god for girlfriends. “You’re my favorite,” Nat declared as she slumped into the seat next to Maria. 

“Just because I know your coffee order?”

“Just because you know my coffee order,” she confirmed. 

“How bad was it today?”

“I’m waiting for Sam to have an aneurysm. Ask your dad.”

Fury and Coulson slid onto the bench across from them. “Romanov.”

“Asshole.”

“Hey Nat.”

“I don’t hate you. You can stay.”

Coulson laughed and Fury rolled his eyes. “It’s not my fault your team is stupid.”

“Hey! Which one of us decided we needed a team in the first place?”

He didn’t respond. 

“And did you have to throw your arm over Clint’s shoulders?”

“You threw an arm over his shoulders? You’re not even that touchy with me in public,” Coulson said. 

“Do you have a point?”

“We’re married, Nick.”

“No need to get technical,” he said with a hint of an affectionate smile. Then he turned back to Nat and Maria. “No one’s caught on yet?”

Maria shook her head. “Barton has no idea. I think he’s too tired to care.”

“I worry about him. What about the rest of them?”

It took a lot of willpower for Natasha to not bang her head on the table. “They’re all horrified about the prospect of the two of you dating.”

“How long do you think it’ll last?” Phil asked. 

“However long it takes for Steve to finally die,” Nat muttered. Maria poked her side. “Fine, maybe not that long. Give it a week and someone will say something dumb enough that Clint will notice and it’ll all be over.”

Maria tucked Nat closer into her side and kissed her temple. “Poor baby.”

“Yes. I am a very poor baby. I’m stuck living with idiotic men. Why don’t you live with us?”

“I… actually don’t know. Fury, why don’t I live with them?”

“Take it up with Stark.”

“Alright.”

“Do you want to stay with me for a couple days?” Nat asked. “We can probably sneak Phish in and then we can convince Tony to let you live with us full time.” 

She nudged her head against Nat’s. “I love you.”

Nat smiled. “You’re okay.”

Coulson cleared his throat. “Is there anything we can do to make your lives better or their lives worse?”

Maria shot him a glare.  _ “You _ aren’t doing anything. Fury on the other hand-”

“Amp it up a bit?” he grimaced. 

“Actually, no. If you speak to anyone, casually drop hints about Phil. I want you to fuck with them as much as you can.”

Her girlfriend pressed a kiss to her cheek. “This is why I love you.”

~~~

“Hey, has anyone else noticed that Fury has been hanging out around Coulson more recently?” Bucky asked. “Someone tell me I’m not imagining that.”

“You’re not. It’s probably nothing right?” Sam speculated. 

“Probably,” Bucky agreed. “I mean, he still has been spending a lot of time around the Tower recently too. It’s freaking me out a little.”

“I feel like he’s going to send us on a mission without warning,” Steve said.

“Well, if he wants us out of his hair while he-”

_ “Don’t  _ even say it, Wilson. I will literally throw up on you if I have to think about their sex life.”

“I could have just as easily said ‘plans his wedding’, get your mind out of the gutter, Barnes.”

“You don’t think…” Steve hesitated. “You don’t think Coulson is helping them plan a wedding, do you?”

~~~

“Hey, Nick, where are you headed?”

Fury stepped into the elevator with Tony. “Home.”

“Really? That’s all?”

“Well, I do have to run some errands. My cello got restrung over the weekend and I should pick that up.” Fury checked his phone and tapped something on the screen before putting it away. 

“You play cello?” Tony asked. Then when Fury nodded, he added “You should check if Coulson’s still seeing that girl in Portland. You’d make a kickass duo.”

“I fucking hate Portland,” he said he a strode out of the elevator. 

Tony just stood there for a moment frowning. “Is it really that bad?” he wondered aloud. “JARVIS, take me down to the lab, please.”

~~~

“Why did you tell Stark you had a girlfriend in Portland?”

Phil blinked as he heard the door close. “What?”

“You told Stark you had a girlfriend in Portland. Why?”

He started laughing. “I totally forgot I did that, but now that you mention it I technically told Pepper, not Tony. We were just getting the team set up and didn’t want anyone scrutinizing our dating lives so I said I had a girl in Portland.”

“Why Portland?”

“You hate Portland and no one asked questions.”

Nick seemed to take this as an acceptable answer and went about putting away the groceries.

~~~

Bruce watched with wide eyes as Fury clapped Clint on the shoulder when he walked out the elevator and into the living room. He thought he heard Clint invite him in, but Fury mentioned something about Coulson just before the doors closed. 

Someone cleared their throat, and Clint glanced at the room. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah it’s fine, it’s just-” Steve cleared his throat again “-have you set a date yet?”

Natasha made a distressed noise when she dropped her phone on her face, and Maria stifled a laugh. 

“Have I set a date yet? I mean I have a mission next week, if that’s what you mean.”

“No, like have you and Fury set a date?”

“Like I just said. Mission is next week. Do you need hearing aids, Stark?”

Tony glared at him. “Do your hearing aids need an  _ update,  _ Barton? Just tell us when the big day is happening already, we’re dying to know.”

“... what the hell are you talking about?”

“You wedding day,” Sam said, but he almost phrased it like a question. “Look man, we know about you and Fury, and we’re trying to be supportive, so if you want to send us the wedding invitations that’d be great.”

“Me and Fury? Wedding? Man, what the fuck are you on?”

“Shit has he not proposed? Oh my god, maybe that’s what’s been happening around here recently.”

Just then, Natasha let out the most ungodly snort before dissolving into loud, full body laughter that nearly made her fall off the couch. “Sam, oh my god,” she wheezed.

Clint seemed to finally realize what was going on. “You all think I’m dating… Fury?”

“You told us you were!” Tony shouted. “What the fuck else could you have meant?”

“When did I say we were together?”

Maria handed him a cup of coffee. He looked like he needed it. 

“Like a month ago? You were incoherent and Nat said something about someone visiting your room at night so you weren’t getting enough sleep,” Bruce told him. 

“Someone visiting- You mean the cat that keeps climbing in my window?”

“How the hell-” Tony started. 

“Is that where Alpine’s been going?” Bucky asked. 

“You have a cat? I have top of the line security!” Tony practically shrieked. ”How did you get a cat in here without me noticing?”

Bucky shrugged and turned back to Clint. “So. Late night visitor is my cat. That does not clarify why you said Fury was your significant other.”

“Because I didn’t say Fury was my significant other! Someone please make sure Nat is still breathing.” 

The woman in question was literally red in the face and shaking. Maria rubbed her back. “She’ll be fine.”

Steve shook his head. “Tony asked you who your S/O was. You said Fury.”

“Yeah, because Fury is my S/O.”

The room exploded, and Nat finally managed to drag in a deep breath and yell, “Guys, S/O has two different meanings!”

Everyone froze. 

“Clint?”

“Yeah Sam?”

“Did you think we were asking about your superior officer?”

“What else could you have been asking about?” he snapped. “I’m aromantic, there’s no reason you would have asked about my significant other.”

“Oooooh,” Bruce sighed. “You’re  _ aro.” _

Across the room, Nat was finally starting to control her laughter, if with a few leftover giggles. 

Clint was looking at them like they were all insane. “I know I told you guys that, so as much as I’m going to regret asking: What did you think I meant?”

To his credit, Tony looked embarrassed. “We thought you said ‘arrow.’ Like you know, your-” he mimed shooting a bow “-your whole thing.”

“We’re supposed to be the world’s leading experts in taking down superhumans and aliens,” he said reverently, “and you morons misunderstood me when I tried coming out of the closet?” 

“Just for the record-” Maria raised her hand “-we knew.”

“Which one is aromantic again? That’s the no romantic attraction one, right?” Tony asked. 

Clint nodded. 

“What’s the other one?”

“Asexual,” Nat piped up. “That’s me.”

“But you’re not aro?”

She motioned to Maria “Obviously not.”

He blinked as if realizing they weren’t just friends for the first time, then he addressed Clint again. “And you’re not ace?”

“Nope. Why? You looking for an arrangement, Tin Man?” Clint’s gaze flicked over Tony’s body as he smirked. 

Tony fixed him with an even glare “Even if I weren’t married, I wouldn’t fuck you, Barton.”

“You’re married?” 

“Barnes, you have a cat in my building that you managed to keep a secret from me. Don’t fucking start.”

Steve looked like he was at a loss for words. “We really need to start doing more team building exercises.”

“Clearly,” Clint sighed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a nap because I cannot deal with any of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> who want's to guess who Tony's partner is?
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/playboyphilanthro-pissed)


End file.
